Penis 2.0.77: A Genital Customization Game
A downloadable game (?)
CONTENT WARNING: This game is little more than a series of tables for you to use to describe a set of cyberpunk-style genitals. There are crude jokes. There are rude terms. There are vague references to sexual acts. This is what you’re getting here. There is no “game,” in the strictest sense of the term. If that’s not your thing, there’s nothing for you here. Seriously, no judgment if you bail.
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Welcome to the cyber-future, chummer. Is it everything you wanted it to be? Has all the hype really given way to a fully-realized universe with acceptable levels of optimization and a minimum of crashes? I mean, the streets are lawless, the corps own your soul, and "hope" has lost all meaning, but it's a sweet-ass transhumanist future so even if you don't have control of your life, you still have control of your sex and gender. Probably got a hell of a menu to choose from, right?
... I'm sorry, did you say two sexes? Okay I guess I see where that's coming from. But genders are... also two? The SAME two?! Well, maybe that's hard to, uh, code. At least you must have a couple thousand options for your genitals right?
Thirty-six distinct options, if we're including pubic hair as a variable, and that includes "wearing underwear" as a form of genital? Jesus fucking Cyberchrist,
Penis 2.0.77 is the cyberpunk genital description game (?) you've been waiting for. Use it on its own (if you don't mind not having an actual game to play after you've stat up your bits), or incorporate it into your existing cyberpunk game (author is not responsible for game-balance challenges that may result if you attempt this).
Features include:
- 6 charts' worth of the most popular genitalia styles.
- Two options for genital generation, allowing for point buy customization or random roll zaniness.
- Over 3.6 trillion distinct options (not including trivial changes like pubic hair color).
- That's 100 billion times as many combinations as AAA video game Cyberpunk 2077.
- That's also at least 100,000 times as many combinations as popular genital customization game (?) F.A.T.A.L., and I get there without using the phrase "circumference potential."
- Jokes!
- Sex jokes!
- RPG jokes!
- Cyberpunk jokes!
- One AC/DC joke!
- Available as a digital PDF or a handsome printable sixteen-page zine!
- Cuss words!!!
- You've heard of "Powered by the Apocalypse"? Get ready for "Powered by a Trans Person's Spite," an increasingly popular genre here at Glaive Guisarme Games.
- (Game is not Powered by the Apocalypse. Neither Vincent Baker nor Meguey Baker have done me enough harm to deserve having something like this released in their framework.)
Does this sound like the game you've always needed but never knew you needed? Let me answer that for you: yes, yes it does. Penis 2.0.77, the final word on cyberizing yer downstairs.
Actual Review:
"A thing that absolutely does not need to exist, and y'all know how much I love things that do not need to exist. It pokes fun at a negative situation in the most ridiculous way possible." - zigmenthotep
Purchase
In order to download this game (?) you must purchase it at or above the minimum price of $10 USD. You will get access to the following files:
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Support this game (?) at or above a special price point to receive something exclusive.
Get the Zine
What's more cyberpunk than packets of data sent out from secret servers, carried across the entire planet to your computer or even wirelessly downloaded to the supercomputer that lives in your pocket, all in a matter of seconds?
I'll tell you what: paper. Printed, stapled, and mailed to your door in a discreet brown envelope. I'll even autograph the thing.
It's "cyber" because I'll print the zine out on my laser printer, and it's "punk" because I'll send it via USPS, the most punk rock government agency.
Community Copies
Are you facing a particular financial hardship, likely because you're saving up all your cryptocreds for some sort of major cybersurgery?
Community copies baby. Take one if you need it.
Comments
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An absolute must add-on for any cyberpunk game that's too cowardly to let you mount a laser sight on your character's penis.
This is very cool. I love the fun element of abilities gained by different choices and that they are explained exactly nowhere. I also liked the space to think, as a trans man, what genitals I might actually prefer! Thank you :)
hi, just got this game in the Fucking Censorship bundle. Looks interesting, but the first download link 'Penis_Zine_A4_BG' links to a game called 'To Stand Before The Dragon's Wrath'.
Haha, whoops! Should be fixed now, thanks.